Ma sain mõni päev tagasi Eestist kutse emakakaelavähi sõeluuringule. See on tegelikult vajalik uuring, sest aitab tuvastada inimese papilloomiviiruse (HPV) nakkuse ja avastada võimalikud rakumuutused varakult, mil need on paremini ravitavad.

Minul on kunagi umbes 15 aastat tagasi tänu sellele uuringule avastatud emakakaelas muutused, mis viitasid vähieelsele seisundile. Kui nüüd mõelda, siis oleksin juba toona pidanud kõik oma häirekellad täie rauaga helisema lükkama ja oma tervist põhjalikumalt uurima.

Aga mina piirdusin vaid uuringute ja lõikusega. Pärast seda unustasin kogu loo ja elasin oma elukest samamoodi edasi nagu enne. Või, noh, elasin niimoodi edasi, et sattusin kord ka haiglasse, kuna väga tugev verejooks, mida üritasin ligi nädala meeleheitlikult kõigi eest varjata, viis hemoglobiini ja verevarud nii madalaks, et perearsti juurest saadeti mind otsejoones haiglasse. Kui perearsti juures mõõdeti hemoglobiini tasemeks 57, siis haiglasse jõudes näitas analüüs 54.

Mul ei lubatud sammugi iseseisvalt teha. Kuna keeldusin kanderaamist, lükati mind ratastooli ja kärutati osakonda, kus sain kohe vereülekande eelset tilka. Veetsin tookord haiglas terve nädala. Arst korrutas koguaeg, et ma oleksin pidanud kohe pärast esimest minestamisepisoodi haiglasse tulema, aga mina jõlkusin veel vapralt terve nädala pärast seda pooleldi minestades ja pooleldi teadvuse piiril meeletult väsinuna mööda linna ringi.

Sel korral ei ole mul aga enam mõtet emakakaelavähi sõeluuringule minna, sest tean, et olen geenimutatsiooni kandja ja lähema kuu jooksul lõigatakse mul kogu “alumine korrus” tühjaks. Lisaks lõigatakse selle sama operatsiooni käigus ära teine rind ja ehitatakse kõhust saadavast materjalist üles kaks uut. Mis kuupäeval see kõik toimub, seda ma vee ei tea. Aga millalgi oktoobris, või vähemalt nii ütles mu plastikakirurg.

Sellega seoses hakkasin mõtlema, et kellele ja kuhu saan teada anda, et ma olen geenimutatsiooni kandja ja lähen lõikusele. Kellele saan öelda, et ei sel korral kui ka tulevikus ei ole mulle tarvidust kutset saata. Kas Eestis on olemas tervishoiusüsteemis mingi selline andmebaas, kuhu minusugused on sisse kantud?

Üldine laiem nimetaja sellele värgile on, et hooli oma tervisest. Pane rohkem rõhku sellele, et tead, kui sellele, et istud niisama ja ei tee midagi.

Niisama istumisega seoses, ma olen siin ette võtnud ühe korraliku projekti. Värskendan elutuba, värvin kappe mustaks, panin paika kitarride ja trummi-muusikakeskuse riiuli. Nüüd värvin varasemalt tumepunaseid kappe mustaks ja lasen Davidil ühe riiuliosa kokku panna, et saaksime terve seina ulatuses kappide lahenduse.

Ühesõnaga, selle asja mõte on, et elutuba oleks enamvähem normaalne ja mingi visiooniga. Seina tuleb ka natuke rohkem kunsti ja postreid jne. Lisaks kahele Santa Zukkeri originaalile tellisin ka ühe Banksy suurema kunstiteose pildi. Ei, ei tellinud seda härralt endalt, ma ei ole veel nii rikas, et saaksin mingit tema originaalkunsti soetada. Aga küll see päev ka tuleb.

Siis on mul teise projektina kavas õues olevad metallriiulid roosaks spreida. Miks roosaks? Sest meie maja on väljast roosa ja tahan, et lilledele ja muudele taimedele mõeldud riiulid oleksid sama tooni. Aga, millal ma kõik need asjad valmis jõuan, seda ma ei tea.

Mul oli grandioosne plaan sel nädakavahetusel töödega lõpuni jõuda, aga mingi juba nädala algusest meie peres möllanud viirus on mu maha murdnud. Kurk ja kõrv on valusad, Jõudu ei ole, palav on, paremal pool on mastektoomia armi juurest suurem ala pisut punetav, tugevalt paistes ja väga valus. Kui käega katsuda, siis on see osa kehast ka kuumem kui kõik ülejäänu. Nina on seest katki ja pidevalt verine. Ühesõnaga, hea ei ole kuskilt otsast. Proovin jõudumööda ikkagi kappe värvida, aga seda tehes pean pidevalt lauast kinni haarama, sest pilt tahab eest kaduda.

Näis, ehk on homme parem.

ENG

A few days ago, I received an invitation from Estonia to attend cervical cancer screening. It is actually an important screening test because it helps detect human papillomavirus (HPV) infection and identify possible cell changes early, when they are easier to treat.

About 15 years ago, it was thanks to this screening that changes were found in my cervix indicating a precancerous condition. Looking back now, that probably should have been the moment when every possible alarm bell started ringing and I should have taken a much closer look at my health.

But I limited myself to the examinations and the surgery. After that, I forgot about the whole thing and carried on with my little life exactly as before. Or, well, I carried on in such a way that at one point I ended up in hospital because extremely heavy bleeding, which I had desperately tried to hide from everyone for almost a week, caused my haemoglobin and blood levels to drop so low that my family doctor sent me straight to hospital. At the family doctor’s office, my haemoglobin was measured at 57, and by the time I arrived at the hospital, the blood test showed 54.

I was not allowed to take a single step on my own. Because I refused a stretcher, they put me in a wheelchair and wheeled me to the ward, where I was immediately given an IV before a blood transfusion. I spent an entire week in hospital that time. The doctor kept telling me that I should have come to hospital immediately after the first fainting episode, but instead I had bravely wandered around the city for another whole week afterwards, half fainting, half on the verge of losing consciousness, and absolutely exhausted.

This time, however, there is no longer much point in me attending cervical cancer screening, because I know that I carry a genetic mutation and within the next month my entire “lower floor” will be surgically cleared out. During the same operation, my other breast will also be removed and two new breasts will be reconstructed using tissue from my abdomen. I still do not know the exact date when all of this will happen. Sometime in October, or at least that is what my plastic surgeon told me.

That made me start wondering who I should notify, and where, about the fact that I am a carrier of a genetic mutation and that I am going to have this surgery. Who can I tell that there is no need to send me an invitation this time or in the future? Does the Estonian healthcare system have some kind of database where people like me are registered?

The broader point of all this is: take care of your health. Put more effort into knowing what is going on than into simply sitting around and doing nothing.

Speaking of sitting around doing nothing, I have actually taken on quite a serious project here. I am refreshing the living room, painting cabinets black, and I have put the shelving unit for the guitars, drums and music centre in place. Now I am repainting the previously dark-red cabinets black and getting David to assemble one additional shelving section so that we can create a full-wall storage solution.

Basically, the point is to make the living room look more or less normal and as though there is some kind of vision behind it. There will also be a little more art, posters and other things on the walls. In addition to two original works by Santa Zukker, I also ordered a larger print of a Banksy artwork. No, I did not order it from the gentleman himself. I am not yet rich enough to buy an original Banksy. But that day will come too.

My second project is to spray-paint the metal shelving units outside pink. Why pink? Because our house is pink on the outside, and I want the shelves for flowers and other plants to be the same shade. When I will actually manage to finish all these things, however, I have no idea.

I had a grand plan to get everything finished this weekend, but some virus that has been raging through our family since the beginning of the week has completely knocked me down. My throat and ear hurt, I have no energy, I feel feverish, and on the right side, near my mastectomy scar, a larger area is slightly red, badly swollen and very painful. When I touch it, that part of my body also feels hotter than everywhere else. The inside of my nose is raw and constantly bloody. Basically, I feel awful in every possible way.

I am still trying to paint the cabinets whenever I have enough strength, but while doing it I keep having to grab hold of the table because I feel like I am about to black out.

We will see. Maybe tomorrow will be better.